


crushes & confusion

by songofthe52hertzwhale



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofthe52hertzwhale/pseuds/songofthe52hertzwhale
Summary: Austin Manning has an unfortunate crush. Logan Wright has an awkward conversation.
Kudos: 10





	crushes & confusion

The song isn’t working.

Logan sighs, pulling his hands away from the keys. He’s not sure  _ why _ he’s been having such a hard time with this. It’s not a particularly difficult piece to sing or play, but it just doesn’t feel right.

Maybe with a key change…?

He takes a breath, stretches his fingers.

A knock rings out against his door. Logan groans, pulling away from the piano.

“What?” he snaps, a little more forcefully than he intends. The door swings open, and Julian steps in. He closes the door behind him, leans back against it.

“Do you have a minute?” he asks.

Logan frowns. Julian looks uncharacteristically serious, and for a brief moment he wonders if it’s time for  _ that _ conversation -- the one Julian has been steadfastly avoiding for months now, despite all of Logan’s attempts. But despite Julian’s solemn air, he doesn’t look nervous or hesitant at all.

“What is it?”

“It’s Austin.”

Logan tenses, “What about Austin?”

It’s not that he doesn’t like the kid. He’s fine. Well-behaved and quiet, always locked up tight in his room well prior to curfew. Logan hasn’t had to deal with a single disciplinary problem related to Austin, nor has he heard any complaint from the other Stuarts about Austin’s behavior.

It’s just that the whole  _ stepbrother _ bombshell had rocked his world a little too much. He’d barely been handling all the drama from last year. He hadn’t expected to suddenly gain a sibling --  _ three _ ! -- out of nowhere.

“I think you should talk to him,” Julian says, leveling Logan with a stern, don’t-talk-your-way-out-of-this expression, “There’s some...stuff, that he’s going through.”

“I’m not exactly a good role model. He’s gone this long without a big brother. I think he’ll be fine. Besides, he likes you.  _ You _ talk to him.”

Julian’s expression tightens, “That’s kind of the problem.”

“What’s kind of the problem?”

“He likes me.”

There’s a beat of silence. Logan blinks, then swings his legs to the other side of the piano bench, pushes himself to his feet.

“Is he...he seems like an okay kid. Is he…”

“No,” Julian says hurriedly, before Logan can finish his question, “It’s not like...not like last year. It’s just a crush, I think. You remember being fourteen, right? Hormones are all over the place. You get crushes on anyone pretty who smiles at you. Substitute teachers. Actors. The tennis coach.”

“You had a crush on the tennis coach?”

“People  _ in general _ have crushes on the tennis coach.”

“The tennis coach was  _ forty _ .”

“Logan!” Julian rolls his eyes, “You’re missing the point.”

“Can’t you just tell him you’re not interested? Say he’s too young for you, or something.”

“He  _ is _ too young for me. But that’s not...it’s not the  _ crush _ I want you to talk to him about.”

“Then what is it?”

Julian sighs. He steps forward, moving away from the door. He sits gingerly on the corner of Logan’s bed, leans forward with his elbows pressed into his thighs.

“He’s not...he’s not  _ out _ . To anyone. To himself. I think he’s...he’s really confused, right now.”

“You want me to talk to him about the big gay freak-out.”

“I want you to talk to him about...I don’t know. Questioning things. I feel like it might be awkward if I did, considering. And you’re his brother.”

“Stepbrother. I only just  _ met _ him.”

“Please?”

“I’m not the gay mentor of Stuart House. I’m sure there are much better people to help him through this.”

“Maybe,” Julian says, gently, “But he trusts you. And he wants to bond with you. And hell, maybe you can tell him I’m not worth having a crush on. Talk all the shit you want. Tell him I steal everyone’s snacks. Tell him I snore.”

“You don’t snore. You do  _ drool _ , though. It’s gross.”

“Logan.”

“Fine. I’ll talk to him."

…

Austin looks more than surprised to see Logan when he opens his door. His eyes widen behind his reading glasses, and he stammers for a moment, staring.

“Um…” he starts, looking a little nervous, “Did I do something? Was it the music earlier? Because it wasn’t me, it was my roommate, and I  _ told _ him he needed to turn it down…”

“It’s not the music,” Logan says, feeling way out of his depth, “Is it okay if I come in? I want to talk to you about something.”

“...sure, yeah.”

Austin steps out of the way, watching Logan warily as he steps in. He closes the door behind him, leans awkwardly against the wall.

His room is clean and organized, though a little plain. Austin’s side of the room is obvious -- a teeming bookcase, an open novel on the nightstand. On his desk is a neat stack of notebooks, a metal cup holding exactly four highlighters and three pens. 

“You’re reading  _ Blackwater _ ,” Logan says, nodding at the book, “I read it last year. It’s good.”

Austin follows his gaze, looking slightly confused, “I...yeah. I just started yesterday.”

“You’re pretty far into it already.”

“I like to read. I’m a pretty fast reader, I guess.”

“Julian’s gonna be in the movie, you know. They pushed filming a little bit, but that’s his next project.”

“I know,” Austin says, “He’s the one who lent me the book, when I told him I liked that kind of thing.”

“Julian’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, kind of.”

Austin’s cheeks turn pink. He wrings his hands, looks away.

“I’m not...I didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable,” Austin says, his voice wavering, “I didn’t  _ say _ anything. I didn’t think he’d notice…”

“Fourteen-year-olds are never as subtle as they think. I would know.”

“Is he mad at me?”

“No.”

“But he still made you come talk to me,” Austin looks  _ embarrassed _ , and Logan swears he sees the boy’s eyes glistening, “I know he doesn’t...I don’t even know if  _ I _ ...he’s a  _ senior _ .”

“He wanted me to talk to you about...feeling confused. He thought you might need someone to talk to.”

Austin lifts his eyes, “I’m not gay. I think. I don’t know.”

“Do you want to sit down, maybe?”

Austin takes a breath, but then pulls out his desk chair, sits stiffly. Logan takes Austin’s roommate’s chair, sitting far enough away that this doesn’t feel like an interrogation. 

“So you don’t think you’re gay, then?”

“I don’t know,” Austin repeats, “I mean I’ve never really...I don’t think about that kind of thing, really. I read a lot. I don’t...I’ve never gone to a school dance, or wanted to hold anybody’s hand, or any of that, really.”

The words sound so  _ innocent _ , and Logan can’t help but smile, “So you just think Julian’s pretty, then?”

Austin’s face turns even redder.

“It doesn’t mean you’re gay, you know. Sometimes your hormones just do crazy things. You could still be straight, don’t worry.”

“I’m not  _ worried _ ,” Austin says, defensively, “I don’t have a problem with being gay. I just don’t know if I am.”

“You don’t have to label it any time soon. There’s a shitload of labels anyway. When I was your age I thought it was just gay and straight. But there’s a lot of other options. Julian’s bisexual. The Brightmans are pansexual. There’s a ton of things you could be, and it’s okay to not know just yet.”

“I don’t even want to  _ date _ anyone,” Austin mumbles, “I like being by myself.”

“You don’t have to date anyone if you don’t want to. But if you want to talk about it…”

“How did you know?”

Logan blinks, “How did I…?”

“That you were gay. How did you know?”

“I...I always knew, I guess,” Logan admits, “I know that’s not exactly reassuring to someone who isn’t sure. But I only ever liked boys. I liked looking at them. I liked kissing them. I liked...doing more than kissing.”

Austin recoils, “I am  _ not _ ready for that.”

Logan only barely restrains his laughter, “That’s okay. Some people like to wait. It’s probably a better choice to wait, anyway.”

“So your first time...wasn’t good?”

“It wasn’t with someone who cared much about me. You should wait for someone who cares about you. Someone you care about, too. Doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“And I’m not...behind? For not knowing yet?”

“Hell, there are people who don’t know until they’re well out of high school.”

Austin nods, looking a little relieved, “I just...it feels like everyone else knows, sometimes. There was that pride event during orientation week, and everyone...everyone had all these  _ labels _ , and I didn’t.”

“You can be a non-label person, if you want. Some people like them. But that doesn’t mean you have to.”

“But everyone else…”

“ _ Fuck _ everyone else.”

Austin starts, his eyes widening.

“I mean it,” Logan continues, “Look, I get that it’s normal for teenagers to want to fit in. To be like everyone else. But teenagers are fucking  _ stupid _ , okay?”

“...you’re a teenager.”

“I’m fucking stupid too.”

Austin actually cracks a smile at that, and Logan keeps going.

“Just because everyone else is doing something doesn’t mean you have to. It’ll just make it harder to figure out yourself, and that’s a hard enough job already. Don’t date anyone you don’t want to. Kiss who you want. Don’t kiss who you don’t want. And don’t invent a label for yourself if it doesn’t feel right.”

“Okay,” Austin says slowly, smiling a little, “I won’t. Thanks.”

“And about Julian…”

Austin’s smile vanishes, and he groans, covering his face with his hands, “I didn’t...I  _ know _ .”

“He’s a little old for you, don’t you think? I know he’s pretty, but he’s kind of a bitch. You can do better.”

“He’s  _ nice _ to me,” Austin says defensively, “He’s...I don’t have a lot of friends, yet. He talks to me. I didn’t mean to...I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

A pang of guilt clenches Logan’s stomach, “Oh.”

“And he...he has a really nice smile.”

“...he does.”

“It’s just a stupid thing,” Austin says, “I’m not like,  _ obsessed _ with him. I know he went through that stuff last year. I’m not like that.”

“I know you’re not.  _ He _ knows you’re not.”

“We talk about you, sometimes,” Austin adds, his voice softer, “Not like...personal stuff. I just wanted to know...I wanted to know who you were, I guess.”

“So you’ve been asking him about me?”

“Yeah.”

“...what has he said?”

“Good things. He says you’re a good person, even if some people are scared of you. I think…” Austin pauses, glances at Logan, “He really likes you.”

Logan exhales, “You’re a lot smarter than most kids your age, you know.”

“Like I said. I read a lot.”

“That must be it,” Logan stands, pushing the chair back under the desk, “Well I’ll stop bothering you. But uh...if you want to talk about anything, just let me know, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Logan crosses the room, hesitates with his hand on the doorknob.

“...we go to brunch on Sundays,” he says, “Me and Julian and Derek. But Derek’s got some college admissions interview thing this week. So we have an empty seat, if you want.”

Austin looks almost  _ hopeful _ , “Me?”

“Maybe when you see how terrible Julian’s table manners are you’ll decide he’s not worth it,” Logan jokes, “Last week he somehow spilled an entire poached egg down his shirt.”

“Okay,” Austin says, “I like brunch.”

“Cool. I’ll uh...we’ll meet you downstairs at eleven?”

“Eleven. Sounds good.”

Logan smiles at him, then steps through the door, closing it behind him.

Maybe having a stepbrother won’t be all that bad.


End file.
